Comparing Sizes
by Exploded Toilet Bowl
Summary: Suggestive ByaRen. Ichigo was only passing by the 6th Squad Headquarters because he needed to find Renji. He never expected to hear what he heard...


A/N: PLOTBUNNIES. BLAME THEM.

Be careful my dear readers, for there is crack up ahead. You HAVE BEEN WARNED.

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**Comparing Sizes**

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Ichigo tried desperately searching for the 6th squad's headquarters.

"Argh! Damn Seireitei and their stupid way of construction of pathways. This is a freakin' maze!" Ichigo ground out in frustration, as he scowled upon finding another dead end.

He was not good at sensing other people's reiatsu either. It's only once in a while when he found his senses particularly sharp and could detect people. That was...usually during tough times, like finding a comrade in battle.

"Argh! Why do I have to search so hard when I can just..." Ichigo crouched low, accumulated a little reiatsu and continued, "JUMP UP TO THIS WALL!"

He successfully landed on a very high wall and looked around his surroundings, and once again cursed Seireitei for coming up with such a complicated structure (although it was very beautifully constructed). He squinted his eyes and finally saw a big "six" written in Kanji, on large double wooden doors. The strawberry sprinted forward and landed in front of the two guards by the gate, effectively waking them up from their dreamland.

The two guards looked at Ichigo and one of them said, "Well! If it isn't Kurosaki Ichigo-san! You're looking for...?"

Ichigo knew he had gotten pretty famous in Soul Society, but he never knew he was _that_ famous. Before that when he ran about asking for Renji's whereabouts, the other shinigami either looked at him with admiration, or pure respect. Everytime that happened, his inner self would swell with happiness (and a bit of pride), yet at the same time too embarrassed to say anything about things like that, and even sometimes end up blushing.

"Ah, Abarai Renji. Your vice-captain."

"I see. He's in the shared office of captain and vice-captain right now. Just go through that door," one of them pointed to the left as Ichigo stepped in, "and then go straight all the way to the end, turn right, then turn left, then finally go all the way straight."

"Okay got it! Thanks!" Ichigo said as he went towards the direction instructed.

He found the door to their shared office, and was prepared to knock, until he heard something.

"Mine's much slender than yours, taichou..."

_...what?_

"You must be mistaken, Renji. Mine here," said Byakuya as there was some shuffling about, "is much more beautiful."

"Oh! Quite true, taichou. Do you actually groom it everyday?"

_What the...?! What on earth? 'Groom'?_

"Of course I do. I make sure to use a proper brush. It's very obedient too," said Byakuya calmly, with a hint of a smile in his tone.

"But mine listens to my orders much better! Look, it always stands up properly when I want it to."

Shuffling of clothes and feet.

_'When I want it to'?! What _is_ going on in there?!_

"Mine listens to my commands too, except it's relatively energetic. It always tires me out."

"Really? Mine can never lie flat for a moment either," sighed Renji.

"I once needed Rukia to help me calm it down," admitted Byakuya.

_...'calm it down'...? Just _what_ is it that is happening in there?! I don't want to interrupt but...this is going overboa-_

"Hmm, taichou. Mine's scrawny though. And yours is bigger."

Ichigo could hear Renji's awe in his voice. He did not like the way this conversation was going. It sounded so _wrong_.

"Of course Renji, mine is of a higher breed."

A short pause.

"Hey taichou, can I stroke yours?"

_WHAT?!_ Ichigo's face grew really red upon hearing that.

"Sure. Lend me yours too, Renji."

Finally unable to stand it anymore, Ichigo forcefully banged the door open.

"WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING IN HE-?! EH?!" Ichigo stared wide-eyed at the scene before him.

"What did you think we were doing, Ichigo?" Renji raised at eyebrow at the orange-haired boy before him.

"Kurosaki, what have you come here for?" Byakuya asked with his usual indifferent voice.

"Eh...I..."

The substitute shinigami had thought they were doing something..._inappropriate_ in the office. But before him, were the two of them seated by the couches in the office. In each their lap rested a beautiful sleek black cat.

"Oh Ichigo, I just got this cat! It's beautiful and slender isn't it? Want to see it stand?"

"...Why would you have a cat? And why would you guys be discussing it during office hours?" The substitute shinigami asked.

"Well, Rukia really wanted a cat, so Kuchiki-taichou bought one. I picked mine up while doing my rounds about Rukongai. This poor cat seemed that it needed someone, so when my duty ended I went to pick it up."

_Oh,_ Ichigo managed inwardly.

"Why are you here anyway Ichigo?"

"Eh? I...what...was I here for anyway?"

The orange-haired boy didn't know anymore.

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A/N: Short ones are always fun!


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